Introduction
Have you ever stared at a plain bowl of rice and thought, “what the flamin’ heck am I supposed to do with this sad pile of blandness?” That’s exactly where I found myself on October 17th, 2018, when my dinner plans collapsed and all I had was leftover rice and a pantry full of random ingredients. My grandmother Eloise (who could make cardboard taste like filet mignon) always said that any food is just a canvas for the right sauna-sweat (that’s what she called intense flavor infusions). After burning through three pans and nearly setting my eyebrows ablaze, I accidentally created what would become my signature Garlic Chili Crunch Oil: The Ultimate Flavor Enhancer. Listen, I’m no culinary genius—I once microwaved metal and blamed it on the cat—but this crispy, spicy, garlicky concoction has literally made people propose marriage to me at dinner parties. Let’s just jump into this thang before I change my mind about sharing my secret weapon!
Personal Recipe Journey
Y’know, sometimes the most spectacular kitchen discoveries happen when you’re not even trying. When I first started playing with Garlic Chili Crunch Oil: The Ultimate Flavor Enhancer back in 2013—or wait, maybe it was 2016?—I was actually trying to recreate something my neighbor Raj had brought over during the snowstorm of ’19. Confused yet? Welcome to my timeline!
My early attempts were absolute disasters. Version four literally made my boyfriend’s cousin cry, and not in a good way. The oil separated faster than celebrities after an awards season fling. Vernon (my imaginary sous chef) suggested I try toasting the aromatics first, which I dismissed as nonsense until three failed batches later.
Living in the Midwest means my peppers sometimes arrive looking like they vacationed in Antarctica, so I developed a pepper-reviving technique I call “the sunbath slap” (exactly what it sounds like). Through approximately 17 iterations across what felt like several lifetimes, I’ve faced every possible oil catastrophe—the Great Garlic Scorching of Tuesday, the Too-Hot-To-Handle Batch that my dad still references at Thanksgiving. But honestly? The journey to perfect this Garlic Chili Crunch Oil has been worth every tear, burn, and ruined tea towel.
Ingredients List
For my signature jar of liquid gold:
• 1½ cups neutral oil (grapeseed works beautifully, but use whatever clear-ish oil is hiding in your pantry—except olive oil which will throw a temper tantrum at high heat)
• 8 fat cloves garlic, sliced slightly-thicker-than-paper-thin (anyone who says “minced” here doesn’t understand the principle of crunchification)
• 3 shallots, sliced into delicate half-moons (the kind that would make your ex jealous)
• 1-3 tbsp crushed red pepper flakes (depending on whether you want to feel alive or ALIVE)
• 2 heaping Peterson scoops dried chili flakes (about 2 tablespoons for those who don’t measure like my great-aunt)
• ¼ cup toasted sesame seeds (not raw, unless you enjoy being disappointed)
• 2 star anise pods, preferably ones that haven’t been sitting in your spice drawer since the Obama administration
• 1 tablespoon Szechuan peppercorns (the kind that make your tongue do the electric slide)
• A sneaky pinch of MSG (yes, I said it, and no, it won’t hurt you—fight me)
• ½ teaspoon kosher salt (table salt is for amateurs and people who hate flavor)
Cooking Instructions/Directions
A) First step—and this is non-negotiable—prepare everything before heating any oil. I call this “mise en panic” because the one time I didn’t prep ahead, I ended up with what can only be described as “charcoal surprise.” Slice your garlic and shallots, measure out your spices, and maybe pour yourself something strong because we’re about to play with fire.
B.5) Find your deepest pot. No, deeper than that one. Oil expansion is real and vicious—learned this when my ceiling had an unexpected garlic-scented redecoration in 2020.
III. Heat your oil slowly over medium-low heat. NOT MEDIUM. NOT MEDIUM-HIGH. I’m talking the kind of heat you’d use to coax a shy turtle out of its shell. When it reaches the shimmer point (about 5 minutes, or after you’ve checked Instagram twice), add your sliced shallots.
4th) Watch those shallots like they owe you money! They’ll go from “not much happening” to “perfectly golden” to “cremated beyond recognition” in approximately 3.7 seconds. Remove them with a slotted spoon once they’re light golden—wait, no—maybe a bit darker than that, but NOT BROWN. Set aside on paper towels and try not to eat them all before the oil is done.
E) Now add garlic slices to the shallot-infused oil [link to my Aromatics 101 guide]. Here’s where most people crash and burn: garlic needs even slower heat than shallots. I’m talking GLACIAL. When the garlic starts to make the quietest sizzling sound—like a whispered secret—reduce heat further. This should take another 10-12 minutes (perfect time to stress-clean your countertop).
VI. Once garlic is pale golden (think: the color of my dog’s ears, not my neighbor’s blonde highlights), fish those babies out too. I actually burned my third batch because someone texted me about Bridgerton, and I still haven’t emotionally recovered.
- Now for the spice infusion! Add crushed red pepper, dried chili flakes, star anise, and Szechuan peppercorns to the now deeply aromatic oil. Turn heat OFF—I mean it—but leave pot on the warm burner. Let the spices steep like the world’s most aggressive tea for 10-15 minutes, or until the oil turns a disturbing shade of red that your mother would definitely question.
Recipe Notes & Tips
→ THE SECRET NOBODY TELLS YOU: Let the dang oil COOL COMPLETELY before adding back the crispy bits! Hot oil continues cooking everything, turning your beautiful garlic into bitter disappointment chips. I learned this by ruining approximately $47 worth of ingredients.
• Store your Garlic Chili Crunch Oil: The Ultimate Flavor Enhancer in glass jars only. Plastic containers will absorb the flavor and forever smell like this concoction, which seems fine until you drink water that tastes mysteriously of garlic.
- My mentor Chef DaVonne (who exists only in my most aspirational cooking dreams) taught me to reserve 2 tablespoons of the infused oil before adding back the crunchy bits. This “virgin drizzle” creates what she calls “flavor architecture” when added at serving time.
★ CONTROVERSIAL TAKE: This oil gets BETTER after sitting for 3-5 days. I know food safety experts at Serious Eats would have a collective aneurysm, but I’ve been doing this for years with zero stomach disasters.
☛ When the oil starts to run low, top it off with fresh oil and a pinch more spices to create what I call “perpetual crunch.” My current batch is technically 7 months old but practically unrecognizable from its original form, like a culinary Ship of Theseus.
Kitchen Tools Section
𝗦𝗧𝗔𝗜𝗡𝗟𝗘𝗦𝗦 𝗦𝗧𝗘𝗘𝗟 𝗦𝗣𝗜𝗗𝗘𝗥 𝗙𝗥𝗬𝗘𝗥 ★★★★★
This discontinued treasure from 2009 outperforms anything modern kitchen stores try to sell you.
Amazon: https://www.amazon.com/dp/B08KJQN37G
𝗖𝗛𝗢𝗣𝗦𝗧𝗜𝗖𝗞 𝗦𝗟𝗢𝗧𝗧𝗘𝗗 𝗦𝗣𝗢𝗢𝗡 ★★★★★
The ridiculous hybrid utensil I found at a garage sale that works better than anything intended for oil straining.
Use upside down and twirl counter-clockwise for best results (ignore manufacturer’s laughable instructions).
Cooking Variations & Substitutions
BLACK GARLIC VERSION: Replace half the regular garlic with fermented black garlic for what I call “midnight oil” – it’s almost disgustingly umami-forward but will make plain vegetables taste like they were blessed by whatever deity you believe in. The color resembles tar but trust the process!
For a Thai-inspired variation, add 2 kaffir lime leaves and lemongrass. I invented this version after a dream where I was being chased by a giant lime, which I’m still processing with my therapist.
Can’t handle heat? I guess you could reduce the chili flakes, but honestly, you’d be making Garlic Oil: The Mediocre Flavor Enhancer, and I can’t endorse such behavior. Try gradually building tolerance instead like my fictitious Italian grandmother always recommended.
Single FAQ
Why does my oil sometimes solidify in the fridge but other times stay liquid?
This mysterious phenomenon—which I’ve dubbed “oil temperamentalism”—relates directly to your garlic-to-oil ratio and whether Mercury is in retrograde (I’m only half kidding). When your Garlic Chili Crunch Oil: The Ultimate Flavor Enhancer develops that partial solid layer, you’ve actually achieved the perfect infusion depth. The saturated fats from the aromatics have fully melded with the oil molecules, creating what I call “flavor pockets.” If it never solidifies, you didn’t use enough stuff; if it becomes completely solid, you’ve created more of a paste than an oil. Both are still delicious, just different textural experiences!
Conclusion
Listen, I’m not saying this Garlic Chili Crunch Oil: The Ultimate Flavor Enhancer will change your life, but I’m also not NOT saying that. Will it make your scrambled eggs taste like they graduated from culinary school? Absolutely. Will drizzling it over plain rice make you question whether you need anything else in your pantry? Probably. Could it repair broken relationships? Results inconclusive but promising.
What even is flavor without risk, without that moment of culinary abandon? When will we learn that the best things in life involve setting something on fire (safely) in our kitchens?
My journey with this oil continues to evolve—next month I’m experimenting with fermented ingredients that my neighbors have already preemptively complained about. But that’s a story for another day.
Until next time, may your oil never smoke and your garlic always crunch!
—Chef Moxie P., 3rd runner-up in the entirely fictional Midwest Condiment Championships, 2019
